So, once again, on a Tuesday after CBT (Discharged, and told I was doing really rather well actually) I found myself in accident and emergency – This time at StJ’s, and for myself, and with a serious rectal bleed.
No conclusions as yet, other than that it’s not an infection, and I don’t have gallstones. On the other hand, I was there and in pain until four in the morning, watching the snow build up outside.
Back at CBT, I was told that I was right – this was therapy for a problem that I don’t have. Which is good – I’m definitely dealing emotionally with the pain as well as can be expected. On the other hand – I’m definitely dealing as well as can be expected. Losing a few days to pain is just going to be normal. Self-harming to distract from worse pain elsewhere is “at least less damaging than what you could be doing”.
We’re now under a lot of snow, and unreasonably cold. I kind of want to give up.