Pain upon pain

I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I sometimes self-harm, largely as instant pain relief (This is why I want to get some faster-acting painkillers, so that I don’t end up resorting to the scalpel), and yesterday’s complete shoulder-girdle pop (Acromiclavicular, sternoclavicular, glenohumeral, scapulothoracic… argh) was enough to induce an episode. Unfortunately, it was enough to induce an episode even after filling up on morphine. The result being a lot of very deep cuts that I didn’t really feel very much of, and needing to limp over to the pharmacy (On wrecked hips, making matters worse) with my cane in my off-hand (due to my left shoulder being in a million pieces, and my left forearm leaving a trail of blood almost all the way from my door to the shop) to get bandages and antiseptic.

Arriving at the pharmacy, though, I obviously couldn’t just get the bandages and leave, because I was bleeding all over their floor and obviously shaken up and with one hand almost completely grey and an immobile shoulder. I was sat down in the consulting room, wiped off with alcohol, asked politely if I was on any psychiatric medications, then allowed to bandage myself up and go home.

The irony being that by the time I’d wrapped up, the painkilling effect of the damage had worn off, and I was just as knackered and sore as I would have been otherwise – In addition to the pain of having to go out and buy all the sodding antiseptic.

Ah well, rheumatology tomorrow. In preparation for that, I rang Stanmore today to see if they had my referral, from either UCLH or from my GP, and they’ve not got me at all. So it’s honestly starting to look like all the London stuff was a waste of time and effort on my part, sine nothing has been done about it. And I still have to fight tomorrow to get imaging on my shoulders and hip. That’s the imaging that I was first told that I needed in July and November, respectively.

The wheels of bureaucracy do grind slow.


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