Fuck

Feeling really abandoned. Had four people lined up who’d all said they could help me out with tomorrow, and all four have cancelled. I’m not surprised – this literally always happens, I have only two or three times in my life had someone come with me to hospital when I’ve needed help – but it’s really unpleasant.

So I have two options;

1) Don’t have the procedure done. Spend another few months with no contracteptive.

2) Have procedure done with no sedation or pain relief. Cause damage to self that will take weeks to heal.

The fact that there should have been Humane Option 3) (Sedated at clinic, fitted with coil, supervised for rest of day by friend) is just rubbing it in that either I’m the unluckiest person on earth, or I’m just not worth worrying about.

(For clarity, before anyone tells me to man up – Yes, I know that coils can usually be fitted without any kind of sedative or anaesthesia, and this is pretty common on the NHS. I have a connective tissue disorder which means that any small tear in my tissues can quickly become a major problem. I also have uncontrollable muscle spasms which have, in the past, caused a speculum to break and leave a four-inch-long cut internally. My pelvic floor is abnormally intractable. My cervix is literally around a 110-degree corner. I have PTSD related to sexual assault with an item, meaning that people rummaging around my cunt occassionally makes me disassociate and become violent. I’m not just being a whiny bitch, these are genuine problems, acknowledged as such by my doctor, and that’s why I’m going to the specialist clinic in the first place.)

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4 thoughts on “Fuck

  1. You’re not being whiney at all. I had the coil once, I hurt so much afterwards I passed out in Subway (and didn’t even get a free sandwich, tight buggers). I pride myself on my high pain threshold (falling asleep during extensive tattooing, not realising I was in 2nd stage labour etc) so of course you need sedation. If I was closer geographically I’d be there for you, though I am just a weird Internet person

    • I am likewise fairly in-control of my pain responses (Another one who finds being tattooed soothing enough to fall asleep whilst it goes on, gets root canals done without anaesthetic) but there is just something viscerally horrifying and painful-in-a-not-normal-way about getting a coil done.

      And thank you – Offers of support, even from geographically far away, mean the world.

      (And do Subway have a free-sandwich-for-every-neurological-event promo, or is it only unconsciousness through pain?) 😛

  2. The only other time I’ve had a dramatic health related incident in a shop was when I was 4 and liked the ice on the lid of a chest freezer in Bejams. The skin ripped off my tongue and I was rewarded with juice nd sweets so I guess I had a benchmark set

    • I don’t know whom I need to petition to make “Every time someone has a massive health fail in public, they get food-based reward” into national policy, but remind me to get the NHS’ board of directors on the phone so that I can start the ball rolling.

      I can seem now; The fleet of paramedic-green tricycles, each mounted with a fifteen gallon tea-urn and issued with twenty kilos of chocolate hob-nobs (Or Tunnock’s teacakes at the discretion of NHS Scotland), their riders strictly instructed to prioritise putting a cuppa in the hand of anyone that they find making a tit of themself in a public place, before dealing with onlookers with a brisk cry of “Oh do fuck off, you’d feel horrendous if it was you.” and pedalling on to their next patient.

      I eagerly await both the offers of funding and my OBE.

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