Feeling really abandoned. Had four people lined up who’d all said they could help me out with tomorrow, and all four have cancelled. I’m not surprised – this literally always happens, I have only two or three times in my life had someone come with me to hospital when I’ve needed help – but it’s really unpleasant.
So I have two options;
1) Don’t have the procedure done. Spend another few months with no contracteptive.
2) Have procedure done with no sedation or pain relief. Cause damage to self that will take weeks to heal.
The fact that there should have been Humane Option 3) (Sedated at clinic, fitted with coil, supervised for rest of day by friend) is just rubbing it in that either I’m the unluckiest person on earth, or I’m just not worth worrying about.
(For clarity, before anyone tells me to man up – Yes, I know that coils can usually be fitted without any kind of sedative or anaesthesia, and this is pretty common on the NHS. I have a connective tissue disorder which means that any small tear in my tissues can quickly become a major problem. I also have uncontrollable muscle spasms which have, in the past, caused a speculum to break and leave a four-inch-long cut internally. My pelvic floor is abnormally intractable. My cervix is literally around a 110-degree corner. I have PTSD related to sexual assault with an item, meaning that people rummaging around my cunt occassionally makes me disassociate and become violent. I’m not just being a whiny bitch, these are genuine problems, acknowledged as such by my doctor, and that’s why I’m going to the specialist clinic in the first place.)