Escape from Beltane

0.00 – Midnight, 26th of March. Happy Not-actually-an-equinox-but-close-enough, me!

00.21 – Off to bed with a sore back and 20mg of morphine.

01.35 – Wake up with left shoulder subluxed. Repair.

3.11 – Woken by back pain, left shoulder subluxed again.

04.49 – Woken by left shoulder sublux, realise right wrist is subluxed whilst repairing it.

06.30 – Woken by alarm. Inventory – Left shoulder totally disassembled (ended up sleeping on it), right clavicle subluxed at both ends, right wrist dislocated and immobile, hand cold. Repair wrist and shoulder, sling right clavicle, back to sleep.

07.24 – Woken by back pain, both in slipped discs and pelvis, which feels like it my have an internal sublux. 10mg morphine, morning medication.

09.12 – Must have fallen back to sleep, woken by left shoulder dislocating. Pain in right hip starts up with a vengeance.

10.01 – Right wrist subluxes whilst typing.

10.40 – Right wrist dislocates whilst cooking breakfast.

10.42 – Right hip subluxes, causing fall and dizziness/confusion, whilst cooking breakfast.

11.21 – Right wrist subluxes and goes into spasm whilst eating breakfast. Back pain becomes noticeably bad again.

11.35 Right wrist subluxes again, corrected by snapping it back under its own power. Back pain bad enough to consider morphine, in order to get through errands.

11.57 – Right shoulder “drops” whilst sitting up from chaise longue – Glenohumeral separation, trapezius goes into spasm. Take morphine, consider diazepam.

12.00 – Right wrist sublux whilst opening morphine bottle.

12.30 – Right hip sublux in shower.

13.01 – Back pain intense enough to cause crying. More morphine, prepare to leave the house.

13.09 – Right glenohumeral joint. Shrugged back into place.

13.24 – Back spasms whilst at osteopath.

13.31 – Full clavicle dislocation on left hand side whilst at osteopath; manipulated back into place.

13.56 – Full left shoulder dislocation, due to wearing a heavy jacket. Left it dislocated for remainder of trip out.

14.22 – Wrist sublux, right, whilst waiting to see optician.

15.06 – Back pain necessitates brief break in getting eyes tested.

16.15 – Pelvis and hip sublux, with spasms, on the way home. Reset via good muscle control. Lots of pain.

16.34 – Nearly vomit from back pain.

16.35 – Distracts self from back pain by manipulating dislocated right wrist and dislocated left shoulder. Neither actually reduce the dislocations. Hurts more.

16.59 – Right thumb joins the party, due to holding a spoon.

17.24 – Left hip has evidently been wrong for some time, whole left leg is numb and can’t move. Time for more morphine.

17.39 – Left hip still fucked to smithereens. Right shoulder has fallen out and joined it.

17.53 – Right hip has also subluxed, whilst seated. Attempting to rearrange legs to make the pain less bad has been a bit fruitless.

18.14 – Jaw subluxes, spontaneous.

19.01 – Wrist sublux, again, right wrist. Resets easily. Left hip is still out of socket, an intense stretching pain. Back pain getting worse despite the morphine.

19.26 – Episode of back pain, wrist sublux whilst reading. Resets with some difficulty. Numb feet.

19.30 – Left shoulder apparently still wrong. Ow.

19.35 – Right wrist sublux due to typing.

19.39 – Left shoulder becomes worse. Medial head of clavicle crawling up throat, adding to vague all-over nausea.

20.11 – Right glenohumeral dislocation, needed manhandling back into place. Left still disassembled.

20.33 – Subluxations inside cubit of right hand whilst typing. Much pain. Hot water bottle needed to even think about attempting reduction.

20.50 – Slid down chaise longue, subluxed coccyx. Not currently able to reset it; will need assistance later.

21.09 – Right wrist fully dislocated, making problems in cubit worse. Back pain horrific.

22.15 – Right wrist dislocation, various subluxes in the same cubit.

22.47 – Hip dislocation when standing up. Promptly sat back down.

22.48 – Mysterious grinding and cracking of the neck. Intense pain, sudden silver and red stars, dizziness.

22.52 – Second neck crackle, intense shooting pain all the way down back, suddenly feel better.

22.56 – Left wrist had apparently been dislocated for a while. Fixed with a snap. Sudden shock and pain.

22.57 – Overwhelmed with back, hip, wrist and shoulder pain. Going to bed.


9 thoughts on “Escape from Beltane

  1. do you ever wish for one of those sensory deprivation float tank things?
    we could live floating in it. You can be the squirrel in the spacesuit. I can be spongebob.

    • This possibly ties in quite closely to my thesis of “Why isn’t the scientific community working harder to turn all bendies into mermaids?”

      None of this would ever happen if I lived in a 200,000-gallon fishtank with an ample supply of fresh seaweed to graze on and the occasional unsuspecting sailor to seduce.

  2. Apparently the new Spongebob movie is wonderful. I still have good memories of watching it with Chris.

    But Percy, what a day. Is every day like that or was that particularly bad? It sounds unspeakable.

    I’d offer hugs, but they’d probably make things worse, even non-touch internet hugs.

    Much love Cathy xxxx

    • That was actually a pretty good day 🙂 Bad days have more screaming and rolling around on the floor. I’m trying to do a record of “A day” once every quarter, to see if (over a couple of years) there’s a pattern, or improvement, or anything – Hence trying to do one at midwinter, one at midsummer, and one at each of the equinoxes.

      Hugs are always, always welcome. Even if they knock out half of my ribs, the balance of good-to-bad in a hug is always such that they’re an improvement on not-having-a-hug.

      And yep – We’re slightly off for actual Beltane (Which I still always think of as “Walpurgis and May Day Riots”) but it’s the “thing” for this quarter. And anything celebrated with fire (I do actually have a little Walpurgisnacht bonfire every year) is good in my book 🙂

      • Percy I am always placidly enjoying my time at the crease….and then you go and bowl me a surprise googly. You’ve just done it again!

        Google (appropriately enough) tells me that Walpurgis Night is a traditional spring festival on 30 April or 1 May in large parts of Central and Northern Europe. Its celebration is associated with dancing and with bonfires.

        Wow. {{{Bone-crushing hugs}}}

  3. PS fascinated to read a little about Beltane. I have a Pagan friend or two (well one is a witch actually).

    Beltane was one of four Gaelic seasonal festivals: Samhain (~1 November), Imbolc (~1 February), Beltane (~1 May) and Lughnasadh (~1 August). Beltane marked the beginning of the pastoral summer season, when livestock were driven out to the summer pastures. Rituals were held at that time to protect them from harm, both natural and supernatural, and this mainly involved the “symbolic use of fire”. There were also rituals to protect crops, dairy products and people, and to encourage growth. The aos sí (often described as “the spirits” or “the fairies”) were thought to be especially active at Beltane (as at Samhain).


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