Shying off fences

CBT today. Made it to the town centre by 7.30, was all prepared and stuff, got on really well with the instructor and everyone, but couldn’t keep up with the ableds. So, instead of spending the afternoon out on a bike, I came home at midday. This fits the pattern very neatly with every other new thing I’ve tried since diagnosis, and also with every old thing that I’ve tried to re-learn.

Lost some money, set my confidence back, feel like this was confirmation that I will learn no new skills and get no better at old ones, so am now officially waiting for death. I have got very good at letting months pass in a haze, out of necessity, so it shouldn’t feel like too long, I hope.


4 thoughts on “Shying off fences

  1. Did you expect to keep up? And was that realistic? I really am sorry it turned out this way but this just means you get there longer not shorter. It is not wasted money if you learn about how you can. No you cant just do it anymore. Im sorry thats true. But you can get there in the end. Make like a neural net. No problems just axonal reroutes.
    But hugs and tea.

  2. You should, I feel, be proud that you gave it your best shot. I applaud that, while acknowledging your understandable disappointment.

    “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

    Theodore Roosevelt

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