How Stuff Works

There is a small department in my brain called the Ministry of Propoganda. Yestereday I felt terrible and demoralised enough that they brewed up their strongest Polish coffee, ordered in curry for everyone, and worked into the small hours.

This morning they issued a statement;

“Yesterday was a perfect, if disappointing, success. Body proved that it can, and still enjoys, riding a motorcycle, other than having coordination problems in wrists and ankles which were made worse by badly-fitting equipment and anxiety due to comparing itself to the two other riders on the training day.

These issues are surmountable, by getting first pick of the equipment and by taking longer to become familiar with the position of the gear lever. This is a conjecture drawn from the initial problems with the accelerator and handbrake, which were smoothed out with practise over the course of the morning, and wherein the right wrist was suffering from a similar numbness and stiffness to the left foot.

As such, the correct course of action will be to arrange for a private training day, to remove the pressure of other riders, the need to compromise on safety equipment, and to allow one-to-one coaching which will be more effective in identifying faults.

Congratulations is due to Body, on providing such clear and useful data for the furtherment of our cause, and to the Operator in ensuring that Body was not taxed to the point of collapse by datafinding.

Long live our sacred nation!

– The Department of Propoganda.”

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