Es tun mir Weh.

So, i definitely seem to be shedding marbles at an alarming rate. Yesterday I ended up ran completely ragged – Numerous errands, dinnertime swim, housework – then had a horrible migraine that was just stopped in its tracks by Zomig (Which is basically magic, apart from that after taking it I’m completely useless and sleepy).

Then I had a horrendous anxiety attack just as I was going to sleep, and woke up this morning feeling like death. Physically sore everywhere, with that horrible floppy pain in my back that always comes before a really nasty episode of back pain, and suicidal.

So I did the most intelligent thing I could think of, and went for a swim.

Usually, this clears my head and makes me feel better and brighter. Instead, after about 400m I had to get out because I just couldn’t shake the horrible, sick feeling of not wanting to exist. The water was too syrupy, the other swimmers were annoying obstructions, even when they weren’t, and the thought of having to exchange a couple of words at the lane-ends, even to sort out swimming order, was just too much.

I got out, came home, collected the dog from my next-door-neighbour (who is used to my occassional headlong dives into wordless sorrow) and now I’m lying on the sofa and trying to work up the energy to watch Red Dwarf, or something, until Dearest gets back to keep an eye on me.


10 thoughts on “Es tun mir Weh.

  1. You did well to try swimming as a coping strategy, but sometimes I know I can sink too low for the usual self-help measures to work.

    Percy I am feeling guilty as I hadn’t really appreciated you were vegan and I have sent you non-vegan chocolate in the past. Maybe you had to throw it away!

    Much love Cathy xxxx

    • I shared it with Dearest πŸ˜€ I’m deliberately not a shouty-vegan, so people generally don’t know. It was well appreciated anyway (since it kept Dearest from nicking the geranium-flavoured bar which I loved) πŸ˜€

      • I know this is a bit of a derail, but are you OK with ‘regular’ chocolate then?

        I’ve bought specialist vegan ‘chocolate’ bars for a friend’s son who was a militant vegan (now relapsed and ‘just’ a vegetarian) and wasn’t sure whether they actually tasted any good, which rather defeats the object!!

        Chocolate should be a massive indulgence in my book. M & S make a box of ‘pudding’ flavoured chocolates and they are out of this world. The parkin one is ooooooh so gingery and delicious.

        Only chocolate I couldn’t hack was 90% from Lindt. Just too dry.

      • It depends on the chocolate – Lindt’s super-dark ones (65-and-up) are usually vegan, likewise Green and Black and (as far as I can tell) most of the mid-to-high-end dark chocolate. As is Bourneville (bizarrely). Usually I just check the ingredients to say if they say they contain milk (Ones that say “May contain traces of milk” are fine – that just means “Made on the same machinery as milk chocolate”)

        I think I’m lucky in that I’ve always been a dark-chocolate person – The 90% is *very* dry, but dry chocolate, in tiny pieces, with a sweet madeira or a bowl of almonds can make for a lovely evening πŸ˜€

        Vegan “speciality” chocolate is a bit hit-and-miss; Moo Free is amazing (Especially the hazelnut bars), but FreeFrom tastes like plastic. Booja Booja is amazing, but so expensive that I can’t quite enjoy it.

        This is reminding me that I should get back to making my own chocolate πŸ˜€

        Chocolate should definitely be an indulgence – Ginger Parkin chocolate sounds perfect – My favourite chocolate in the world is G+B ginger chocolate (With Tabasco-brand Tabasco chocolate being a close second – It really does taste of both tabasco sauce and chocolate!)

        Once I start making chocolate again, I will definitely send you some πŸ˜€

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