Tryptophantasia

Stress is occurring.

Dearest’s Mum is visiting tomorrow (Sunday).

Mine is visiting on Tuesday.

Getting the chimneys cleaned on Wednesday.

Going up to the Old Country to see someone that I’ve not seen for the better part of a decade on Saturday, including both going to a nightclub and sleeping in a dorm. This is the friend that I cancelled on in May, and that I tried to hide my EDS from. I, of course, failed. His asking “Why didn’t you finish your CBT the first time then?” being answered with “Google ‘hypermobility syndrome’, which is also half the reason that I’ve spoken to nobody for the past few years…”, which got a “Shit, man, if I’d known, I’d have stayed in touch – Can’t have you hiding away”. So I think he’ll be normal about it. I just worry that the plan of “Go out, get shitfaced, danceuntilitallmakessense, eat garlic bread at 3am, sleep in a bunk in a hostel” might be a bit much, and it might turn into “Quiet pub night, awkward conversation, never see each other again.”.

This is how my fear works. Especially with a friend where, for the first five years of our friendship, we’d never seen each other in daylight. It’s a very physical friendship – Lots of drinking, lots of running around and play-fighting, lots of walking around the city in the snow in the wee hours of the morning, not getting much sleep, and generally behaving terribly.

On the other hand, I think I’ll also use this as an opportunity to catch up with Algernon again, if he’s free on one of the daytimes.

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5 thoughts on “Tryptophantasia

  1. How do you feel about your mum visiting? I can’t have my parents in my house. Feels like an invasion/violation. Now they are too frail to visit anyway, so not an issue.

    Hope the trip to the Old Country and chimney business go well. ♥

    • Exactly like that – Nearly every time she’s come to my house, she’s insulted it (Down to one time when she visited, she just sat on the doorstep and cried because I had failed as an adult – Actually, my depression had hit me hard enough that I couldn’t face tidying). I’m not looking forward to her seeing the grip rails and wheelchair and finding some kind of all-new thing to complain about.

      She wasn’t great when I came out as being disabled (Told me not to tell my grandparents because it would just upset them, tried to convince me not to wear orthotics when I came home, told me not to tell my cousins since it would “just make them hypochondriacs” even though it’s genetic and I was told by rheumatology to tell them, so that they could be supported by their GP if they got pregnant, since EDS makes miscarriage really likely, even in asymptomatic family members) so that’s put up a bit of a wall. She’s nervous about me taking opiates as well (as in “Can you not just leave them in the car?” “No, they’re for emergencies” “Well, someone can run out to the car then”) so considering that I’m going to get through Tuesday by being benzoed off my tits…

      I’ve managed to keep family away for about a year and a half now. Visiting them is so much easier than them visiting me. I get really territorial of my house, and Leeds as a whole really.

  2. I feel the same way – it feels like a kind of violation of my territory. I agree on your coping strategies. Get so loved up on benzos, it feels like the whole world, even your mother, is your friend.

    I am very angry about her attitude to illness & disability, but there again, being your mother does not vaccinate her against idiocy. *Harsh but true* Maybe a strategy of denial is a generational thing?

    I can’t face visiting my parents now – and they are too frail to come here, so I just don’t see them. I ring daily and that is more manageable.

    So really, hats off to you – you’re managing something I could not, even though it sounds like an horrendous ordeal for you.

    TP

    • It’s a deliberate mitigation strategy – I’ve invited her down when I know that the house is clean and I can see her for a few hours, then send her on her way again, so this should tide her over for the next year or so. Other than that, we communicate by email, which is easier since I can take a day or two to answer when I feel fit.

      Why must family be so difficult? I’m really sorry that you’re suffering it too.

  3. Lots of dysfunctional families in this world, sadly Percy. I just front up immediately with people when necessary (eg social worker I am collaborating with now) and say my sister and I shared a traumatic/abusive childhood at the hands of our parents. They understand.

    Your mitigation strategy is a very sensible one. I used to cope by meeting my parents at a neutral venue – generally the River and Rowing Museum in Henley. I hope to revive this habit if I can instate an Age UK companionship service, with the help of the social worker. Until then, I’ve just told the social worker I cannot visit them in Oxford, and she works on her own when she needs to see them face to face (which of course she is more than capable of doing).

    Hugs for this week. ♥

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