A Day In The Life: Holi

00.00 – Happy midnight! And happy Holi. Close enough to the equinox. Lying in bed watching TV with a dislocated shoulder and both hips subluxed.

01.40 – Fall asleep.

09.30 – Alarm goes off, wake up. In enough pain that I can’t move, think, or get fully conscious enough to roll over and turn off alarm and take medication. Drift, getting more and more panicky.

09.38 – Twin bell alarm clock winds down. Identify that the pain is mostly in my lower back and hips. Take 15mg slow-release morphine, 75mg diclofenac.

10.11 – Wake up, in pain, after strange dream. Relocate wight wrist.

10.12 – Try to sit up to take pressure off right hip, which is subluxated. Shooting pains across pelvis and down right leg.

10.17 – Start hand-typing essay, right wrist luxates more than once per minute for the next hour as I work. Throat probably too sore and creaky from previous day’s morphine to speech-to-text effectively.

11.35 – Call grandparents to say hallo since I miss them. Dislocate shoulder whilst holding phone up to ear.

12.00 – Call pharmacy to check that my prescription, due for delivery today, is on the van. Not only is it not on the van, but it’s not even back from the GP’s. Told I’ll get a call back later.

12.46 – Get call back, pharmacist will deliver my medication by hand at 5.30 tonight. Once again, a fuck-up higher up the chain has put them out.

13.05 – Right wrist dislocates. Reduce with manipulation. Takes a long time, hurts a lot.

14.01 – Right shoulder still dislocated.

14.02 -Reduce right wrist.

14.06 -Strange crunching noise in lower back, whooshing sensation, feel a bit better.

14.18 – Attempt right shoulder reset, fail.

14.19 – Reduce left wrist.

14.20 – Right radial end of clavicle reduces, right glenohumal still a bit wrong. Right scapula moving.

14.29 – Tip of thumb spontaneously reduces, having been luxated at some point previously.

14.30 – Left medial head of clavicle starts migrating upwwards, making eyes water.

14.41 – right hand completely freezing, wrist still dislocated, pain shooting up to disloceted shoulder. Decide to try making a hot water bottle.

14.45 – Get up to make hot water bottle, shooting pains in right leg and back.

15.08 – Sit back down after eating, pain in lower back at lowest ebb so far today. Right leg feels like it’s trapped in a vice.

15.17 – Move downstairs, dislocating left shoulder in process.

15.36 – Mystery chest pain, which may or may not hve had anything to do with my shoulders both still being in pieces.

15.51 – Chest pain subsides – Possibly a luxated rib? Hands freezing cold, despite it being warm.

16.00 – Left shoulder starts reducing itself, hurts like hell.

16.23 – Right hip falls out of socket. Start losing consciousness.

16.51 – Prescription arrives, with no axsain and a note saying “Re; Capsaicin. Needs to see doctor.” I roll my eyes that they are worried about prescribing me chilli sauce. I phone the GP, and the receptionist tells me I need to book an appointment. First one available is the 8th of April, no phone appointments possible. She suggests that she can get a tube to me by tomorrow morning, when the pharmacy will be closed, and asks me to phone her back before seven to check that she’s actually done so. I am not filled with confidence.

18.49 – Drifted, until being woken up by by still-luxated right hip. Took morphine syrup.

20.08 – Rapid luxation and reduction and luxation again of right hip. Whole right leg is rotated outwards to the point that the foot almost points backwards.

21.59 – Took laxative in attempt to lessen pain in lower back (sometimes this works)

22.08 – Luxate both patellae whilst on toilet.

22.12 – Horrible chest pain starts up again. Suspect it’s luxated ribs. Back pain continues getting worse anyway.

22.14 – Right clavicle rotates forwards, luxating radial end.

23.00 – Retreat upstairs with sewing.

23.19 – Hands lock up, decide to rest.

00.00 – Realise that I’ve spent most of the day basically flattened by fatigue, confusion, exhaustion and unable to keep track of what’s been going on. Shrug shoulders, call it a productive day anyway.

 

Happy assorted spring festivals!

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