Cold Fear of Autumn

You may note I’ve not been posting much this year. That’s because my usual reprieve between dips of seasonal badness didn’t happen. And now it seems to be getting worse again.


I’ve not had this kind of seriously long-term acute-low since my teens and early twenties (where admittedly I was stuck in an acute low from 1993-2007) and the worst long crash since then was 2009-2010, where I was off on the sick for months on end for depression alone. But this one has been getting slowly worse since about Oct 2014, and this is the first year with no energy boost in Spring-Summer at all in that period.


I am not looking forward to this winter.


I am also not looking forward to going to Stanmore on the 3rd of November at 2pm for physio, since I don’t have the money to do it comfortably, so I’m going to be likely to be doing a round-trip to London in a single day, on an ailing 125. I don’t even feel like I have any hope to gain from being treated, since so far nothing has worked much at all other than giving me morphine and hard exercise, and I don’t feel like I have the strength to phone Stanmore and tell them that I can’t make it – I can’t even afford it – and that I’m very sorry for having wasted their time. I’d not even been expecting the Stanmore invitation – I thought I was going to have services provided at home. But this will be the best physios in the country. And thus I’m conflicted.


5 thoughts on “Cold Fear of Autumn

    • I don’t even know yet, and honestly I’m scared to set up a GoFundMe. I don’t want to feel like I’m asking people who are in a position basically as bad as I am to fund me to do something that they’ll probably also ne to do for themself at some point. But, thank you, the thought is really appreciated.

      • I know what you mean but still think you should do it. It has dawned on me that the only people who will help us are others in a similar position – and a few allies. And I truly believe what goes around comes around. That we will support others when we can, and then the favour will be returned.
        Again, if you change your mind, let me know.

      • Thank you, seriously. I think I need to give myself a few days of fretting about it, and then maybe a few days of really making up my mind, and then decide with a safe margin before the advance train ticket cutoff…

  1. How about train gift vouchers? We’d need an e-mail address, and knowledge of the company you’d be buying tickets from, I think. Could be the cheapest way to get train money to you, as there would be no fees…

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