You may note I’ve not been posting much this year. That’s because my usual reprieve between dips of seasonal badness didn’t happen. And now it seems to be getting worse again.
I’ve not had this kind of seriously long-term acute-low since my teens and early twenties (where admittedly I was stuck in an acute low from 1993-2007) and the worst long crash since then was 2009-2010, where I was off on the sick for months on end for depression alone. But this one has been getting slowly worse since about Oct 2014, and this is the first year with no energy boost in Spring-Summer at all in that period.
I am not looking forward to this winter.
I am also not looking forward to going to Stanmore on the 3rd of November at 2pm for physio, since I don’t have the money to do it comfortably, so I’m going to be likely to be doing a round-trip to London in a single day, on an ailing 125. I don’t even feel like I have any hope to gain from being treated, since so far nothing has worked much at all other than giving me morphine and hard exercise, and I don’t feel like I have the strength to phone Stanmore and tell them that I can’t make it – I can’t even afford it – and that I’m very sorry for having wasted their time. I’d not even been expecting the Stanmore invitation – I thought I was going to have services provided at home. But this will be the best physios in the country. And thus I’m conflicted.