A very stripey pigeon

I have a Plan.

There’s a woo practitioner at the end of my road.

Let me start again; There used to be a pub at the end of my road called The Junction, which had been a pub for well over a hundred years. It closed down in 2009 and about a year later it re-opened as a massage establisment – Not in the way that you’re thinking, I mean it did sports massage and deep-tissue work and light physiotherapy and things like that. I went along for a back massage once after a nasty shoulder injury, and spent a cheerful half-hour having my muscles Hitachied into submission and then kneaded like uncooperative terracotta. I came out feeling like a new man, or at least like all of my pain had been centrifuged out and was now sloshing around in a jar in what used to be the keg cellar (what do they do with all that pain?)

Fast forward a few more years, and a sign went up – Acupuncture, free 15-minute consultations and trial session. And then chiropraxy, osteopathy, reiki, reflexology, aromatherapy, Swiss reflex technique, Thai yogic massage… Oh, my. Claiming to treat chronic conditions, arthritis, headaches, stress and pain.

But one part of the sign interested me. Free consultations. Free ones. That were free, and would cost no money, and which claimed to be able to diagnose what was wrong with someone, and then to treat them with one of the above. And that are free, and within fifty yards of my house.

This, you must understand, is an irresistable lure to a chronically-ill troll and sceptic. Obviously, I won’t let anyone chiropract or osteop me (EDS body parts are easy to accidentally unscrew, and hard to put back together) but finding out what an untrained wooster makes of a rare and horrible condition, and crucially seeing if they’re going to claim to be able to treat it, is going to be fun. Also, I perversely enjoy being used as a human pincushion, so that’s a win-win.

It’s Sunday today, so I might pop in for a quick chat tomorrow. With my dictaphone.

What on Earth are you doing, Percy?

Time has moved on. I’m a long way away from the worlds I lived in when my last few blogs died the death.

Nowadays, I’m ill. This is my blog that I’m going to post in so that my friends don’t have to put up with my constant whining about dealing with the NHS.

I have Joint Hypermobility Sydrome, still under investigation, and yesterday I got a letter of referral down to UCLH, under the care of Dr Kk, at the end of August. I’ve had 6 months of physio (Discharged in April) first with Mircalla (who was amazing) and then with GLADOS (Names obviously changed to faintly protect their identities; In real life they’re two of the C-Series, more on that later), one appointment with Dr W at rheumatolgy last August, an appointment with the pain team in April which was kind of amazing, really.

The day before that, I was in A+E, being manhandled by a consultant who firstly didn’t introduce himself, secondly thought that his two-second dekko at my legs (still under a blanket) gave a more accurate diagnosis of “Not a dislocated hip” than Dr S’s careful and through examination the day before which, in agreement with my previous physiotherapists, diagnosed “That’s a dislocated hip.” and thirdly who manhandled me with neither my consent or a chaperone; Damaging my hip even further.

This morning, I was at acupuncture (Provided by the NHS) which turned out to be the biggest waste of my time that’s ever been concieved. Two hours’ travelling, to get there for 9am, at which point I was treated to having to lie face-down with my head at a ninety degree angle and my shoulders hanging loose, whilst Physio D put eight tiny needles into my lower back (For funding reasons, she wasn’t allowed to treat my upper back pain). Ten minutes later, they were removed. Physio D then returned, and we agreed that acupuncture wasn’t appropriate for me – The travelling and the treatment were both too much stress for my joints to take (The problem being not the needles, but the lying very still). She then told me that she’d keep me on the register, but not make me any more appointments. Very much with the same nudge and wink as Dr L from the pain clinic had given me when prescribing me acupuncture in the first place (She too is a sceptic) that this was basically a way of making sure that the clinic didn’t end up being prescribed to people whom it’d really hurt.

This afternoon was a long, long letter and reasonably-long phone call to my MP – Of the opposite political orientation to me, but still apparently a nice bloke – in which he promised to sort out the problem with my GP’s practice (Or rather, the receptionists therein and the booking process; It’s always impossible to get an appointment).

And tomorrow, lo, I finally managed to get an appointment with a GP – not my GP, but a GP. It’s a start.

Friday is my second OT appointment – the first one set me up with wrist braces, and I think this one will get me measured up for knees and elbows.

I am in so much pain right now.


Current treatment status;

Physio: Discharged

Rheumatology: Discharged

Hypermobility Specialist: Referred

Occupational Therapy: Under care