Escape from Beltane

0.00 – Midnight, 26th of March. Happy Not-actually-an-equinox-but-close-enough, me!

00.21 – Off to bed with a sore back and 20mg of morphine.

01.35 – Wake up with left shoulder subluxed. Repair.

3.11 – Woken by back pain, left shoulder subluxed again.

04.49 – Woken by left shoulder sublux, realise right wrist is subluxed whilst repairing it.

06.30 – Woken by alarm. Inventory – Left shoulder totally disassembled (ended up sleeping on it), right clavicle subluxed at both ends, right wrist dislocated and immobile, hand cold. Repair wrist and shoulder, sling right clavicle, back to sleep.

07.24 – Woken by back pain, both in slipped discs and pelvis, which feels like it my have an internal sublux. 10mg morphine, morning medication.

09.12 – Must have fallen back to sleep, woken by left shoulder dislocating. Pain in right hip starts up with a vengeance.

10.01 – Right wrist subluxes whilst typing.

10.40 – Right wrist dislocates whilst cooking breakfast.

10.42 – Right hip subluxes, causing fall and dizziness/confusion, whilst cooking breakfast.

11.21 – Right wrist subluxes and goes into spasm whilst eating breakfast. Back pain becomes noticeably bad again.

11.35 Right wrist subluxes again, corrected by snapping it back under its own power. Back pain bad enough to consider morphine, in order to get through errands.

11.57 – Right shoulder “drops” whilst sitting up from chaise longue – Glenohumeral separation, trapezius goes into spasm. Take morphine, consider diazepam.

12.00 – Right wrist sublux whilst opening morphine bottle.

12.30 – Right hip sublux in shower.

13.01 – Back pain intense enough to cause crying. More morphine, prepare to leave the house.

13.09 – Right glenohumeral joint. Shrugged back into place.

13.24 – Back spasms whilst at osteopath.

13.31 – Full clavicle dislocation on left hand side whilst at osteopath; manipulated back into place.

13.56 – Full left shoulder dislocation, due to wearing a heavy jacket. Left it dislocated for remainder of trip out.

14.22 – Wrist sublux, right, whilst waiting to see optician.

15.06 – Back pain necessitates brief break in getting eyes tested.

16.15 – Pelvis and hip sublux, with spasms, on the way home. Reset via good muscle control. Lots of pain.

16.34 – Nearly vomit from back pain.

16.35 – Distracts self from back pain by manipulating dislocated right wrist and dislocated left shoulder. Neither actually reduce the dislocations. Hurts more.

16.59 – Right thumb joins the party, due to holding a spoon.

17.24 – Left hip has evidently been wrong for some time, whole left leg is numb and can’t move. Time for more morphine.

17.39 – Left hip still fucked to smithereens. Right shoulder has fallen out and joined it.

17.53 – Right hip has also subluxed, whilst seated. Attempting to rearrange legs to make the pain less bad has been a bit fruitless.

18.14 – Jaw subluxes, spontaneous.

19.01 – Wrist sublux, again, right wrist. Resets easily. Left hip is still out of socket, an intense stretching pain. Back pain getting worse despite the morphine.

19.26 – Episode of back pain, wrist sublux whilst reading. Resets with some difficulty. Numb feet.

19.30 – Left shoulder apparently still wrong. Ow.

19.35 – Right wrist sublux due to typing.

19.39 – Left shoulder becomes worse. Medial head of clavicle crawling up throat, adding to vague all-over nausea.

20.11 – Right glenohumeral dislocation, needed manhandling back into place. Left still disassembled.

20.33 – Subluxations inside cubit of right hand whilst typing. Much pain. Hot water bottle needed to even think about attempting reduction.

20.50 – Slid down chaise longue, subluxed coccyx. Not currently able to reset it; will need assistance later.

21.09 – Right wrist fully dislocated, making problems in cubit worse. Back pain horrific.

22.15 – Right wrist dislocation, various subluxes in the same cubit.

22.47 – Hip dislocation when standing up. Promptly sat back down.

22.48 – Mysterious grinding and cracking of the neck. Intense pain, sudden silver and red stars, dizziness.

22.52 – Second neck crackle, intense shooting pain all the way down back, suddenly feel better.

22.56 – Left wrist had apparently been dislocated for a while. Fixed with a snap. Sudden shock and pain.

22.57 – Overwhelmed with back, hip, wrist and shoulder pain. Going to bed.


Well, my MRI results are in. Phone appointment with Dr R, who is increasingly used to my not physically going to the surgery (The surgery claims not to do phone appointments, but given that it’s that or a home visit they do them when needed) and seemed quite hopeful that it’s not too bad.

The butcher’s bill was three herniated dics in my L3, L4 and L5, nerve compression in the L5, and bit of arthritis. No surprise that it’s causing pain, but not bad enough to warrant surgery yet. As such, I’m being booked in for physio at the medical practice – Long waiting list, but it means not having to schlep over to CA every time, and no chance of running into the physio I dislike.

This does neatly and immediately explain why sitting upright or standing still is excruciating, and why being in water is the only real relief.

Unrelatedly, and in an unusual move, my left knee is dislocated. My patella is basicaly on the wrong side of the joint, and won’t go back. This isn’t normal, even for me.

Flying Updates

So, I have a complete AC separation on the right hand side, my right clavicle is rambling around loose and keeps hammering my vagus nerve and making me feel dizzy, and everything from buttock to skull is in spasm, resulting in my right foot being blue and it being difficult to breathe.

This post brought to you, incredibly slowly, by speech-to-text.

So, like any sensible zeb, I’m gearing up for a swim.