So, today I saw Dr L about my medication review.
I explained what had happened (That every time I spoke to Dr Rh, he tried to take my pain relief away), and said, being bluntly honest for once; “If he thinks it’s physically damaging me, he can do a liver function test. If he thinks I’m an addict, he can come out and say it to my face. I’m not annoyed that he wanted to review my medications, though I am annoyed that he thinks that he can unilaterally decide what’s best for me without speaking to either me or my consultant, I’m mostly just annoyed that he went behind my back and changed my medication, even after three other GPs and two consultants have said it was appropriate.”
Dr L seemed shocked that I wasn’t going to pussyfoot around anymore, and started with the mealy-mouthed objections;
“Well, it puts us in a very difficult position…”
“We just want to do what’s in your best interest, and being on morphine really isn’t in your best interest…”
“We’re concerned with taking the safest course of action…”
All shot down with my usual replies. Prove that it’s doing me more harm than being in constant pain would do. Tell me why being in pain is a better course of action than not being in pain. If it’s safety that you’re worried about, why don’t you gatekeep the famously-bad-for-the-stomach-and-liver NSAIDs as much as you do the much-less-likely-to-cause-invisible-harm opiates and benzodiazepines.
Then she came up with the blatant lie; “It says here that last month you discussed possibly reducing your MST”.
No, no I didn’t. I told the last doctor about how I took my MST – In that I didn’t take anywhere near the full dose per month, in that I took a full dose at night if I wanted to sleep for the full eight hours, and that I took a full dose in the morning if I wanted to do anything more energetic than lie in bed – And that seemed to mollify her that I was appropriately suffering (After all, if I took all my medication all the time, and slept soundly and felt fantastic when I was awake, I’d be an addict). We’d not discussed reducing my dose at all, and yet there it was in my notes. The notes which notably didn’t contain any of the information that I’d been asked about at the last session.
Dr L didn’t write down anything about my actual rates of consumption either. So I assume that I’m going to get the same “Ooh but opiates are fun things for naughty boys, not lifesaving medicine for good ones” rhetoric again the next time.
She did however swap my Sumatriptan for a Zolmatriptan nasal spray, which will hopefully work to stop the migraines but without the painful heart palpitations and chest tightness and blurry vision and inability to sit upright or breathe. So that’s a start.
I am still far, far too tired for this battle. Today, I’m going to ring Dr D, the consultant rheum, to see if I can get an appointment with him and get my Stanmore referral. This feels like it should be work for someone who isn’t incredibly ill.